The unsung Hero

As a child I used to cry for Judas,

When I heard of his treachery,

I said in my innocence,

“If it were not for Judas,

How would my Lord have fulfilled

The events foretold by prophets?”

Records would tell a different story

And where would I be today?

Judas my brother,

You sacrificed in the name of humanity

Surrendering the potential of your greatness

To wear the mask of evil in the final drama,

Choosing instead, to go down in history

As the lowest of all men…

The betrayer of Jesus Christ

Who is there amongst you, but Judas

to undertake this assignment,

Who has the courage to point

The damning finger -

And did my Savior not turn to you and say,

“What thou doest, do quickly”

You my friend,

Were instrumental in guaranteeing

The final act of delivering death

as the pathway to eternal life.

Yours, was the kiss of destiny

I no longer cry for Judas

As in sacrificing his integrity,

He was instrumental in

Unveiling our Divinity.

Glimpses of a vision

Last night…
I had a vision
or maybe,
just glimpses of one,

Whatever it was
convinced me
unconditionally
we are connected beyond
our ability to grasp
in this moment

As I write this,
I have faint recollections
of a time long ago
when unified energies
were luminous stars
in the night’s dark sky

We are forever sealed
with the Universal blueprint
to be so again...

The mission is unfolding,

The course of the wind
has changed
and carries with it,
our call to Harvest

I can taste its intrinsic nature

Concern not ourselves
with the details
Simply,
Visualize
the
Vision

That two-faced ego

I've read and heard people say, we have to kill or destroy our egos or whatever, but in my mind, the ego cannot be destroyed. It has a purpose while we are in our physical bodies. The mind interprets abstract information and processes it into concrete impressions so we can absorb and understand for this physical reality. The presence of an ego enables us to establish a somewhat real sense of - who am I that is in this space and time. So rather than trying to destroy something that cannot be destroyed, my objective then, is to change the face of my ego... Which ego-face do I wear, that of the Divine or the self-made small minded, 'i'? 
(For this article, Ego is the Higher Self while ego is the little, fragmented 'i".)
 
There are many phases of the journey as insight and growth open up different levels of understanding along the way. Right there with all these new states of consciousness, is that pesky little ego, constantly trying to find ways of inserting itself in the mix, in it's persistent effort to manipulate our new 'truths' into some form of self-worship.

It is always a subtle and delicate dance between the adoration and awe in recognizing one's Divine Self and the self-made egos wanting to present itself as running the show.
I am never afraid to shine a light on the ways of the ego and all the pitfalls it presents in my journey because whether it takes me one day or years to transcend it 's countless methods of trickery, sharing may very well be of service to another in remaining mindful of these very same traps.

Early in the journey, the joy in hearing and understanding universal 'truths' about our Divine nature is so thrilling and tantalizing that there is the ego's temptation of wanting to run around spouting these bits of information as if we've arrived, but a wise man (Osho) once said, (paraphrasing), unless you have lived these 'truths' and made them your own, unless they have become your knowing for having experienced them in your lives, they remain 'hearsay', things you have heard but don't know... I embraced that advise and tried to keep my mouth shut about matters I have never lived... because I also realized when we speak from a place of hearsay, there is no passion in our speech, as it is not fueled by the authenticity of be-ing.

Truly understanding the concept that everything in existence is the same energy, vibrating at different frequencies creating the appearance of separateness, highlights the stark realization that we are all truly One-energy - the culmination of which = the Source therefore, what affects another invariably affects me. Consequently, our Divine Ego, sees life and existence in universal, all inclusive expressions. If I hurt you, I am hurting myself.. so my unfailing effort is to perpetually do unto you as I would do unto mine own self. This is the underlying basis in understanding which ego-face we wear in every moment. Are my thoughts and actions self-motivating at the expense of others, or do they have the intention of ultimately benefiting the good of all.

I also read somewhere; "Spirit is beyond being hurt" by others' words and actions. Now whilst I've held this as my ideal mind-set and attitude clearly, it is a life-long effort to continuously be mindful when dealing with all the situations we find ourselves where we feel; victimized, belittled,  betrayed, insulted and so on. But again it goes back to asking self the question, who is feeling hurt? Everything is a matter of perception, so invariably it is the little ego of "i" which feels affronted in these situations. I believe this is where Jesus recommended we, "turn the other cheek" - to epitomize our Divine Ego - the image in which we are created.

Each of us developed an ego for self identification and continued existence in this world. The malady is, we have accepted the world's ever-fluctuating version of what that should be hence, there is much dissatisfaction and un-fulfillment in our lives simply because we can never keep up. On the other hand, the version of our Divine Ego remains constant since that symbolical moment in the Garden of Eden right before the separated mind became a part of the mix and began the creation of the disconnected and self-serving ego. We are such amazing beings that we have created a rather complex and sometimes mystifying false ego. In our minds we think and do things with the mindset of benefiting our circumstances but because we are oftentimes driven by selfish motives which goes against the flow of Universal principles, we end up hurting our own selves. We worship a false ego whose only mission is to destroy our inherent Godliness... so in effect, we think we are doing things to benefit self, but end up attracting the opposite.

The good news is.. no matter how far and wide we traverse to live the illusion and play the role of the small ego, we can never destroy the face of our intrinsic nature. Thank God,  creation indelibly stamped who and what we are, so that any moment in any day.... should we choose... we can look though the eyes and re-call the Mind of our Dvine Ego and reclaim our authentic Self. So every day when we look into that mirror before we face the world... ask self the question; which ego face do I wear today?

I am - in love with Jesus

As 'off the wall' as that may sound, it is true. I did not say I love Jesus, I said; I - am - in - love with Jesus. He's my 'home' boy.

I grew up hearing christian theology from birth and I don't know how many other children out there at the age of five, upon hearing the story of his crucifixion, which re-played every Easter, shed tears like a river as if the painful, humiliating and sorrowful tale was happening to them. Yes, at five - I wept for Jesus.

Then came the dis-enchantment stage when I was angry with Jesus. Angry because I wanted to be just like Christ, but had serious problems reconciling with my inner emotional turmoil. All the stories of him in the Bible spoke of his words and actions but not one addressed the emotional reality of human beings - how he felt, therefore I was lost. What to do with the overwhelming torrents of toxic emotions wanting to consume me and though I searched for clues as to how he  found his peace, the closest I came was - Jesus wept... well, wept I did, but still  my angst, remained.

So I went looking and found another - I fell in love with Buddah. He held my hand and gently guided me in the ways of mindfulness which tamed my restless soul. When my fears assaulted me, I witnessed the onslaught... it was happening, but not to me. I rubbed my hands on his belly rolls and learnt to laugh at my follies. And though Buddah held my mind in his sweet embrace, my heart belonged to Jesus.

I kept coming back to the - One - who first planted the seed of Divinity in me and though I ignored him for many years, he never left me, silent but ever-present. I don't know whether he actually spoke of the process of his transcendence over his human conditioning and the disciples just neglected to write it down, but I was back - face to face - with the one who brought a five year old to tears. So, what now my love?

The first words I ever heard in physics class were: "energy cannot be created or destroyed".  Well then, if we are all vibrating fields of energy, somewhere out there -  my Jesus lives! I went in search of this being who first stole my heart. What was abundantly clear to me, this man whilst occupying a physical body understood the all encompassing nuances of living the human experience and was able to re-connect with his Higher consciousness while in the flesh. Ha! His vibration therefore, has absorbed all the elements of the entire journey... and is out there somewhere!

I began the exercise of re-connecting with my true love, by targeting the qualities I wanted to emulate from his earthly sojourn such as; compassion, forgiveness, tolerance, kindness and unconditional love. One of my meditation exercises was to invite the Christ energy into my consciousness, to literally 'feel' his pulse as my own.  If I am to believe the principles of energy, then this is as real as my inhaling the life force in every breath. With time and consistent effort, I was bringing to fruition "coming to the father by me" - with every in and exhalation. I have no need to see a face, his rhythm sustains my being, his voice whispers tenderness... and I am re-united with love.

Our love affair is eternal and when I walked through that valley of death and fear threatened to choke the very breath from my body, 'home' boy's love held the beating of my heart, his strength kept mine eyes firmly fixed on 'home'. How could I not be but in love... with love...

my blessed love...

Today,

I am feeling somewhat out of sorts

More like sad really,

But I cannot imagine why

There is a radio playing in the background

and the delicate melody

lingers in my head,

I get sentimental

And I want to cry,

But I cannot imagine why

Then realization hits me,

You shattered

walls of protection

I carefully built around me

invading

my inner chambers

and opened my heart

You illuminated

the blossom desperately

desiring to be in full bloom

and aroused embers

longing to dance

in their robes of fiery flames,

You renewed my yearning

for the promise of blessed love

Then why am I sad?

Because now,

I am vulnerable

The Rebel waits

The solitary

figure
Stands 

in the distance,
head held high


Sparks from his eyes
penetrate 
the darkest corners

No one dares approach
As his strength is imminent

Who is this stranger,
And what is his quest?

His is the restlessness
of Soul waiting
for the moment
man awakens
from his unconscious
traverse through time

Be patient my rebel,
your time is at hand

The art of doing 'almost' nothing

It seems the more 'civilized' we become as a species, the more overwhelming our lives are. There is always something to do and clearly single parents have the double-task of fulfilling both roles of mother and father.

The energy of living in the United States is so much faster than say, when I lived in Jamaica. Everything here appears to function on a schedule, making it easier to get caught up in an automated mindset. Multi-tasking has become the consummate catch phrase and definitely a pre-requisite to landing a job here. It is no surprise then, we have programmed our minds to fast-forward mode just to keep up with all that is required of us. We are constantly check-listing the 'done' and 'to do' lists in our minds otherwise we feel, we are being left behind on this path to success. Afterall, everyone else is moving right along, so we cannot tarry.

Technology is our best friend and worse enemy. There are folks who cannot live without their blackberries; while driving, walking, on vacation. It is like having a second shadow. I have yet to own a cell phone... yes, I may be one of the few persons still on the planet not having one, and though I have made no great vow against it, I have yet to reconcile with that insistent, persistent, 'ring, ring'.

When I go to work, I am prepared to deal with, 'whatever'; whether it's the countless phone calls, or whichever difficult situations needing to be resolved. I am in the zone to work through any and all situations presented to me.

My home is my sanctuary. When I walk through that door at the end of each day, I must literally feel as if I am entering a different dimension. I have created a beautiful garden in my back yard to simply, sit. The colors on my walls, the things I have chosen to occupy space there, all conjure  a 'feeling' and symbolically represent a nurturing frame of mind. There are days when there is no TV, days when there is no computer and yes, days when there is no phone. (I sincerely apologize to my family for the times of having to deal with the answering machine :) They know however, that this is my way of maintaining my balance so they end up living with a more loving and calm being - not a bad trade off guys...

The art of doing 'almost' nothing requires us in those moments to not have an agenda. How many can truly take time off and resist the temptation of succumbing to the urge, from the barrage of countless to-do tasks running through our heads?  To let everything be still for ten or fifteen minutes, whist we indulge in a fabulous bubble bath, or really listen to the melodies of our favorite music, to mindfully prepare and savor the flavors of a meal, or sit and admire the intricate configuration of a beautiful flower...
 

We must find our place of refuge to shut out the chaos from the outside world - if only for a short while. What I speak of, is more than simply physically being inactive. It goes a bit further by mentally refraining from getting caught up in the... checklist of all the things you could and should be doing. It will require practice because we are programmed to do, all the time. This is what has happened to our culture; the faster we go, the more things we can jam into our 24 hours. There's a commercial where the Mom flips some all-in-one-meal from the microwave and the kid catches it on his way out the door... This imagery is supposed to not only typify our lives but is also sending the subliminal message that we need to go even faster. "What is life if, full of care, we have no time to stand and stare, no time to sit beneath the bows and stare as long as sheep or cows..."

If - it is proving difficult to let go of the mental check-lists, then add one more and move it right up there to the top... I need to practice the art of doing 'almost' nothing. Do this for self, as it creates a more energized and focused person, who can better deal with the rest of the other 'stuff'.